Feeling Alive
by Naughty Alpha
Summary: Takes place right after the first game.Jill is so numb after what she had to deal with and can only contain her panic for so long before she breaks down. She needs to feel something other than the shock and panic that plagues her. Chris was sweet enough to take her home and he is more than willing to provide what they both need. ChrisxJill and M for language and eventual lovin ;)
1. Breaking Down

Hi from your Naughty Alpha! This is only my second story so sorry if there are any issues and I hope you enjoy anyway. This takes place in the first installment of the Resident Evil game series right after Jill and Chris return home. It is from Jill's point of view so obviously it follows her version of events not Chris's. And this part is irrelevant to my story but this also follows the "good ending path" of the game where both Chris and Berry survive alongside Jill. The first chapter won't have any lovin but don't give up I will add it in when its time. Please review so I know what you think!

**Disclaimer: ***sighs* Your Alpha owns nothing…

Feeling Alive

I was so numb. Not even relaxed, I couldn't relax after all that had happened…had it really just been one night that all this crazy shit went down? It felt like so long. I wasn't sure if I was ever going to get out of that place. I was relived but that was really the only feeling I could focus on….well that and the shock of actually surviving with both my boys. When the helicopter landed Berry took off to start trying to find his family. I wasn't mad at him for almost killing me…what was it, twice? But I was still so _pissed _at Brad. Fucking cowardly prick. Oh hey another emotion I can define right now. I guess I'm making progress.

I hadn't so much as looked at him when I climbed of the chopper so; obviously, he got no thanks from me. Chris had though and I couldn't understand why, but I guess I also didn't really care. When I headed for my car Chris caught up to me and insisted he drive me home. Said that I had to be too exhausted to drive myself. And he was probably right so I handed him the keys, climbed into the passenger's seat and told him my address without a fight.

Now I was sitting, staring out the window. It was still early; the sun had just started rising as we made out escape from that horrible place. It felt weird to be this tired when normally I would be getting out of bed for my morning shower around now. All I wanted was to have that morning shower and collapse naked into my bed and sleep for at least the next week. But I doubted I would be sleeping, and if I did I knew there would have to be nightmares. After all, I just couldn't relax.

I looked over at Chris. He hadn't had to run around that fucking madhouse like I had, but he still wasn't in much better shape than me. He had been locked in that cell all night with no way to figure out what was happening and no way out. And then when I initiated the self-destruct sequence and he heard the alarm calling for an evacuation he was completely positive he was going to die. He didn't tell me, he didn't have to. I saw it in his eyes the moment I opened the door. After all what were the chances that I'd be able to figure out how to get the damn door open? Little did he know that the chances were actually really good since I'd already spent half the night figuring out all kinds or ridiculous puzzles, so that one was a piece of cake. But the other half of the night….

"Jill?" Chris said ripping me away from a trail of thought that I did not need to be going down right now.

"Oh…what?" He must have already said something by the way he was looking at me.

He smiled, just a little, "I said that we are here."

I looked back out the window and sure enough we were parked outside my apartment building. Thank god I was on the first floor. I could not handle the work of stairs right now. We got out of the car and Chris walked ne to the door and handed me my keys so I could get it open. The first thing I did was strip off all of my weapons and put them on the kitchen table, I'd put them up properly later.

"Jill?"

"Hm?"

"Can I borrow your car to get back to my place? I'll come back tomorrow and you can take me to get mine back at HQ."

Oh god…I couldn't be alone right now. I knew I was safe here but I just couldn't. I'd been mostly on my own al night…facing all those _things _by myself…I couldn't handle any more solitude. Maybe he would stay here if I asked? We hadn't known each other for too long but we hit it off right away and became good friends on top of already being partners…it wouldn't hurt to…

"Chris can you stay here with me? Please…" he didn't answer right away so I turned to look at him, and he was giving me a confused look. "It's just….I can't be alone right now I just…." And then he was hugging me, only then did I realize my hands were shaking and my voice must have cracked.

"I get it, Jill. Of course I will stay with you. Although I don't really want to sleep in these clothes…"

Oh right, duh, of course he didn't have a change of clothes…damn it I couldn't make him stay in those…and then I felt the panic of being alone before he continued.

"Would it be okay for me to use your shower after you and…uh…you know…maybe just sleep in my boxers…?

"Yes!" I said, a little too enthusiastically from relief. I started backwards down the hall toward the bathroom. "I'll…uh try not to take to terribly long. Um…make yourself at home. Raid my kitchen if you're hungry.

"Maybe I'll do that." He said, and I caught him smiling at me again before I turned around. That same sad smile like he thought I was going to crumble and break into a million tiny pieces. And shit he might be right.

I shut myself in the bathroom, no habit telling me to lock it since this was my home. And then I saw my bathtub and…._oh god…_that thing…that _fucking zombie…_had been in the bathtub. Funny that smashing its head into the tile floor was the only thing that had caused me to be physically sick all night. That stupid, simple thing instead of any of the worse things…._everything_ else had been worse than that. And still, I eyed the tub while I stripped out of my filthy and otherwise ruined clothes, and I still watched it as I turned on the separate two person shower stall and got in. Which was stupid…the damn tub was empty for god's sake…not like the tub in the mansion….

Okay no enough of that right now, I told myself firmly. But my mind didn't want to listen, for some reason it wanted to recount all of the fucked up things that had happened. The first monster wasn't so bad, just one lone zombie. But everything after that….so many infected dogs…crashing through windows, attacking me on the balcony because I had no choice but to call them. Then memories of the dogs decided to drag everything else along with them. I couldn't fight it so I just stood in the spray and let the memories come. Finding that if I didn't get a clean headshot or burn the fucking zombie corpses they came back a second time…and oh god…they could _run_…and their claws. The giant snake in the attic, oh and Richard…poor sweet Richard…the snake had swallowed him whole. The monster girl in chains that wore faces like a mask…Lisa…giant spiders…giant sharks…oh the shark had tried to crash through the window.

I was shaking now…panic taking over even though I was safe and I knew I was safe. But oh god I was still all alone. I sank to the floor and cried out, the tears from my sobs mixing with the shower water that fell like rain all over my body. I just let the panic take me, all I wanted was to get this first attack over with. I brought my knees up to my chest and sobbed uncontrollably. I guess I did break after all.

Please remember to let me know what you think! And don't fret there will be some Jill x Chris lovin when the time is right.


	2. Holding it Togther

I was just starting to come out of my panic attack when there was a knock on the bathroom door. My head shot up at the sound. Who the hell…

"Jill? Are you okay?"

Oh Chris….I had forgotten that he was here. Okay…so I wasn't alone, that was helping the panic ease. God how many of these was this nightmare going to cause? This wouldn't be the only one. And how long was I going to be jumpy about anything that even vaguely reminded me of the mansions horrors.

Chris knocked again, "Jill?"

I turned off the water so he would be able to hear me "Yeah….no I'm okay. I'll…be right out."

How long had I been in here? It had only felt like a few minutes but it had to have been awhile if he was coming to check on me. I rose to shaky feet and tried my best no to slip and hit my head. What a way to go that would be, survive things that should have been impossible only to fall in the shower and crack my skull open. The fact that it wasn't likely to happen didn't really reach my brain so I was extra cautious when I got out and wrapped a towel around myself. I turned to the counter to grab my….oh shit. I was reaching for pajamas that I hadn't bothered to bring in with me, great. Well left with the options of going out there in a towel in front of Chris or putting on the bloody, torn, mud-covered clothes I came here in…yeah no. Towel it was.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. "Sorry, I lost track of time. How long was I in there?" I asked Chris while looking at my hands. I don't normally feel embarrassed but what the hell, there was already so much other shit going on with me right now that it wasn't so terrible to add one more.

"About half an hour but, hey, don't worry about it. I can't even imagine how fucked up of a night you had and if you need to just sit in your own shower to think then you take as much tie as you damn well need."

I made a noise and walked by him before saying "Yeah you take as long as you need too. There is a clean towel and wash cloth so…"

"Thanks." He said and shut the door.

I slowly walked the rest of the way down mu short hallway to my bedroom, dripping water on my nice wood floors as I did. I hadn't bothered to try and dry off at all yet. When I got there I went straight to my bed and sat down. I knew I needed to put some sort of clothing on but for now I just wanted to sit here and stare at the floor, waiting to see if I was ready for another attack.

No…no more rising panic for now, thank god. I flopped backwards onto the bed, with my legs still hanging over the side. Outside of really needing to get dressed I didn't know what I was going to do. I was so tired but not sleepy kinda tired, and even if I was there was no way that was going to come easily. I sighed and finally managed to get myself off the bed, dry-ish and into a thin nightgown. I dint bother with panties…they were too uncomfortable and I was way passed caring about trying to retain some dignity right now.

I walked back out to the kitchen to make some coffee. If I wasn't going to be able to sleep I was going to need it. And for all I knew, Chris was guna be in the same position as me. And having some menial task to focus on right now would be nice. And it was until I realized I still couldn't get my hands to work right. God I needed to sleep. I needed to sleep in a way that I wasn't plagued by graphic nightmares. I leaned over and put my elbows on the counter and my head in my hands. Only to find that my face was wet. I hadn't even noticed that I'd started crying again. I didn't even know what I was crying about and that just made me angry. I had survived right? I had nothing to cry about! I'd even beat the odds and walked out of there with both of my friends.

I accidently knocked the unused coffee mug of the counter when I got up to race back to my bedroom. It broke against the floor but I didn't care. I hadn't been caring about anything since we landed. And if I was going to keep breaking down I was going to do it in private. I was running down the hall and ran right into Chris's bare chest. Damn, how did I keep forgetting he was here? I didn't move though, just stayed with my face in his chest and let the sobbing start again. And then his arms where around me, holding me, and I felt truly safe. Which was dumb since I'd been safe this whole time but…oh he smelled so nice. He only used my normal bar of soap in there so he smelled clean, not like the dank rot of that _place _that I couldn't get out of my head.

But oh he felt so good too. Solid and real and _alive. _My tears had stopped when I started thinking about how I suddenly wanted to touch him and maybe kiss his mostly hairless chest. And it was a crazy thought to have I know but I couldn't help it. His closeness and the way he held me and how he'd been so sweet and concerned for me all morning. I just…I realized that I needed him right now. It would make me feel something positive against all the negativity hogging my soul but mostly it would make me feel alive and I needed that. I needed that with someone you had at least some idea of what I had faced.

I looked up into his eyes. They were so flooded with concern, no desire was present. God what if I made a move and he rejected me? I needed this so bad and I couldn't handle it if he didn't need it to. But he was such a good guy I was so sure he would say no just because he wouldn't want to take advantage of me…

No, you know what fuck it I thought and moved my hands to the back of his head and pulled him down to kiss me. He was hesitant, probably from confusion, but then he was responding and my soul brightened from his acceptance. He put his hands on my face and deepened the kiss. He was slow, oh so slow and gentle with me. And that was okay. He tasted so good and I couldn't help but sigh into his mouth when he began to explore with his tongue. And then one hand was cradling my head to keep up the kiss and the other slowly brushed down my neck, over my collar bow and down to one breast. He didn't squeeze, just cupped it and brushed his thumb over my nipple, the thin fabric of my nightgown doing nothing to protect it. I made some sort of noise against him and he tightened his grip in my head. I could have stayed there forever. But after a while he stopped the kiss, but didn't stop caressing my breast.

He brushed my short, messy hair out of my eyes and sighed. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. There was desire in those eyes now. And an erection starting underneath the towel he was wearing. Oh thank you god I thought and kissed the hollow of his neck before grabbing his hand and leading him towards my bedroom.

"Jill, are you sure this is a good—"

"I'm sure," I said, cutting him off, "I _need _this right now. Don't tell me you don't."

I looked at him when we reached my bedroom, expecting an answer.

"You're right," he said, "I do." And then his lips were crashing into mine.

Don't hate me for stopping this chapter here! The next one will be the end and have plenty of sweet lovin, I promise! ;) in fact it will probably be ready to go up tomorrow. Thanks for any reviews!


	3. Alive

**Okay final chapter and I got it up earlier than I thought! :D I know that the game I based this off of is old but my hope is that some of you reading this are still as obsessed with it as I am :) Reviews are always super appreciated**!

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He was on me so fast I barely had any time to react. I hadn't expected such a good response so fast, but I wasn't complaining. His hands were on my ass and then he was lifting me up of the floor and carrying me to the bed. I wrapped my legs around him and just tried to lose myself in what was happening. He walked us over to the bed and laid me down, he never once broke the kiss as he leaned over me and cupped both my breasts. And this time he did squeeze. I arched into that touch and groaned.

I felt him pressing against my entrance, I hadn't noticed that he had lost the towel but now that I did I dug my heals into his back, begging him to penetrate. And for some reason that made him smile against my lips and chuckle.

"What's funny?" I gasped, breaking the kiss.

He moved on to kissing my neck as he massaged my breasts and brushed on my nipples. Why was I still wearing the damn nightgown?

"I need a condom first." He finally said.

"….oh right. Um…bottom drawer of the nightstand."

He kissed me once more before standing up and going where I directed. That was the first time I got a good look at his body. He was in great shape, had to be for the line of work we were in. Sun kissed skin covered his whole muscular body. There wasn't one part of him that didn't look strong, and that included his arousal which stood at proud attention. And as silly as it is I noticed that he was uncircumcised, not that it mattered. I couldn't pick a spot to stare at, his arms were so impressive and I could just imagine how easy it would be for him to hold me up. But then his stomach was amazing as well, six pack abs that I wanted to run my tongue along.

I watched him grab a condom from the drawer. But he didn't put it on, he didn't even open the damn thing, he just set it down on the nightstand and turned back to me. Went I tried to ask what he was doing he just shook his head and smiled. And then he kneeled at the foot of the bed and ran his hand up both of my legs. He squeezed my outer thighs, slid his hands higher, under the nightgown and slid it off over my head. Being exposed and assaulted by his gaze all over my body made my breath hitch.

He went back to his kneeling position and threw one of my legs over his shoulder and kissed and licked his way down to my center. He bit down on my inner thigh and I tried to squirm but he held me still. I knew that if I tried to watch what he was doing I was going to lose it so I just lay back, shut my eyes and waited for whatever he had for me. And finally I felt it, a feather soft lick right on my clit and I sighed. He licked my whole entrance, one long, slow stroke with his tongue before latching onto my clit and sucking. The shock of it had me bucking against him, but he held me down with one arm across my stomach and his other hand….oh yes….his other hand suddenly had two finger buried in me and I cried out. I couldn't stop the noises I was making; I don't even what to call them. I had my hands buried in his hair, when did that happen and I screamed with ecstasy when he found a sweet spot. I was done for not long after, hit that spot with his fingers over and over all while still sucking mercilessly on my clit.

I arched my back and screamed when I came. He stayed where he was, lapping up the juices. When he was done he looked at me and sucked on the fingers that had just been inside…my face flushed at the sight and I scooted to sit in front of him. Two could play at this. And before he could question I was sucking on the tip of his cock with my nails buried in his fantastic ass. He put his hands on my shoulders to steady himself while I continued working.

I didn't take him all in. Only played with the tip. Light kisses, hard sucks, a graze of teeth, licking the little slit. Only focused on the tip. I didn't even wrap a hand around him, they stayed firmly on his ass. I knew it was torturous, I knew he wanted more by the way he began to tremble. But, oh, being able to do this to him made me feel alive again instead of the horror shocked woman I was when we got here.

"Fuck," I heard him say through gritted teeth, "Jill, please, enough of this."

I looked up to his eyes, still keeping the tip of his cock in my mouth. He must have like that because he went wide-eyed before throwing his head back and moaning for me, but he didn't cum. Instead he took himself out of my mouth, made quick work of getting the condom on and then he was back, kissing me again and forcing me all the way on the bed and on my back. He abandoned our kiss and took my breast in his mouth and squeezed the other. I was so hot, so wet and the needing true penetration was almost painful. As much as I like the things he was doing to my breasts, I couldn't wait anymore. I grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him back to my mouth. I spread my legs around him so he could settle in between them.

"Please, Chris, now."

In one trust he was buried deep, filling me so completely and it felt so good. And then he was holding himself above me and moving. His eyes shut and panting, he was so beautiful but I couldn't make myself keep my eyes on him. He was picking up his pace and thrusting harder. I threw my head back and grabbed onto his arms and started begging for my release.

"Oh Chris, yes. Right there. Ah! That's it. Oh god, please don't stop." I was Cumming again. He kept thrusting into me while I rode it out. "Oh fuck." I breathed.

But I wasn't done yet. He hadn't cum and I was so gad for that because I wanted a turn. I flipped him onto his back and climbed onto him. I wasted no time, grabbing the head bored with one hand and putting the other on his chest I began to rock on him. He ran both his hands up to my breasts and played with my nipples as I rode him, nice and slow at first. I bit down on my lip and began to speed up; the way he was rolling my nipples between his fingers was driving me crazy.

He sat up, supporting himself with one hand on the bed and the other arm wrapped around my back. He had my breast him his mouth again. Oh god, he was grazing my nipple with his teeth. I dug my fingers into his shoulders and shoved him back down, and need the room to speed up, And I did, I was riding him as hard and as fast as I could, hands pushing into his chest, breathing so hard it was almost like I couldn't get any air at all. His hands were gripping my hips now, trying to make me go fast than I already was, and he was thrusting up into me. I couldn't keep up this pace anymore, I was covered in sweat and my orgasm was coming on me fast, but I needed him to cum too. I knew he was close, he was crying out and saying my name, oh and that wasn't helping me resolve.

"Chris," I said, "Look at me."

His eyes shot open, filled with that special kinda of crazy need when you just can't let go.

"Oh, Chris…I need…oh fuck. Chris cum for me!"

And that threw him over the edge and he broke, I snapped a final time right along with him. We were both moaning like crazy, his hands kept me moving on him until it was over. I collapsed on his chest. We were both so sticky, hot and panting and just….alive. Oh and it was so wonderful to feel so alive. He eased me off of him so he could get his condom off, which he tossed into the bedside trash before laying back down and bringing me into his arms. He pulled the sheet that had ended up kicked to the foot of the bed over his, moved my hair to kiss my neck and settled in behind me.

We didn't need to say anything. This was what we had both needed and I for one felt so much better and like I could sleep without nightmares so long as he stayed wrapped around me. And for once in this last day of almost nothing but complete hell, fate decided to cut me a break and I drifted off into peaceful sleep.

**End**

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**Thank you so very much for coming across my story and giving it a chance. Any reviews letting me know what you thought would be so awesome**


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